He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
