my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
