this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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