Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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