party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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