Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
