If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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