Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My cat gives me a boner
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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