I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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