At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
