pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
