Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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