my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
