I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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