Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
