Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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