Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
