Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
