Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
