You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
