dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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