last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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