I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
