there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
