forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
