Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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