dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
