Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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