I could have mohawked her pubes.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
