farters have to be the big spoon...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
