Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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