I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
