i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
