I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
