so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
