ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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