Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
