my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
