Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
