I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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