Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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