Tell her she can't have a vagina
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
