ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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