Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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