Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
