That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Randomize
