You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
