I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
