Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
