I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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