i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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