I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
