Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
