then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize