Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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