we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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