she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
