addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
