And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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