I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
