May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
