Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
