dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
