I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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