official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Randomize
