First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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