I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
