My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
