she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
