I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
