the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
