your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
