she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
