My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
