worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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