Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
